If people ask

tell them nairobi is fucking crazy
everyone is incredibly hospitable
you had the time of your life

you'd go back in a heart beat

they should go with you

If people ask

tell them you can't describe how beautiful Tiwi beach is

If people ask

tell them the chicks are fly

and the dudes are tall

If people ask

tell them you won't ever forget the charisma and beauty of all the children you met

If people ask

tell them jesus and tupac can often be spotted together on mutatus

If people ask

tell them people make astonishing use of their bicycles

Tree Planting

We didn't miss YouTube during planting.

Double rainbow. Oh-my-god. Ooooooh my god.

Today's Advice

When a taxi driver offers you the keys to his Nigerian home, take them.

Congrats MJ xxoo

Ha!

It's official, I'm going to Brazil.

This is so romantic, if it weren't happening to me I'd be barfing in my mouth a little.

Today's Advice

Courtesy of Will Malmo

Don't cut your hair like Justin Bieber. Not ONE TIME.

My mom is getting married today. I'm thrilled for her. My hair is done, my nails are painted, and now I'm in my aunts basement watching rap videos with my cousins to pass the time.
I have to make a speech. I hope I don't get shaky hands and red face and dry mouth. I hope I don't fart. Or let a few profanities slip.
But hey, it ain't about me. Congrats ma, you'll be a radiant bride. Enjoy every single moment.
Back to Ludacris.

Calling It

While I'm at it, heres another prediction.  Jack Nicholson will be the next celebrity to croak.  Called it.

Called It

I called Nicole from the very first episode of that cycle of top model.  She won.  I was right.  And look, she's actually doing some modeling.  How 'bout that.  Now Nicole, there's a ginger I like.

Today's Advice

 Don't nap for five hours in the middle of the day.

Oh hey summer, thanks for joining us.

Today's Advice

I'm preparing to leave for another summer in the bush. I tackle a shit ton of hardships out there in that hell, so I'll share some advice through out the summer. Let me make the mistakes for you. But pre-bush, here's some post-Chicago advice.
Don't fucking eat pizza for four days in a row leading up to a trip to Chicago you fucking idiot. Pizza Pizza pizza? Pizza with fresh basil from that hippy place? I don't give a shit. Don't do it. It's Chicago.

Normal Girls

It has been some time since my last post. Sorry to my three readers.
Today's topic- Do normal girls do this?
A Collection of Questions Mag and Jess Ask Each Other Most Everyday

Do normal girls....
1) Wake up covered in bruises?
2) Change spots on the subway to sit closer to the crazy lady in an unclasped body suit, sliding around on newspaper?
3) Take great pleasure in making fake fighting noises? (Waaa poow)
4) Spend most of their time in Ikea spinning in twirly chairs, clutching stuffed animals?
5) Build forts that stay up for monthes. In the living room.
6) Take secret remedies.
7) Have no interest in guys unless they live ten billion miles away?
8) Take baths fully clothed.
9) Demand triple cheese on pizza, scream into establishments at 3am asking if they have re-fried beans, and dip cold cheese into melted?
10) Watch the original Pippy Longstockings videos to cure hangovers before going to weddings.
11) Have the capacity to teach us strange girls to be more like them?
Only if they have a good block shot.

It's remarkable the number of photos I have in my collection that had the potential to be pleasant, but were ruined by a venomous Dum Dum. Check out

Umm

Holy jesus on a stick.  Look at this pizza.  Hello Chicago.  Hello constipation.  Hello heaven.

Oh you three, I cant stop thinking about you. I'm trying to sleep.

Felix James

My sister is in the midst of giving birth. As I wait for the phone call that confirms my nephews entrance into this world, Jess and I sit on my mom's back porch. The sun is bright, and a small black cat with wondrous green eyes lies between us. My home town smells of spring and the sounds of mowers and slowly passing cars fill our ears as we turn the pages of our books. We wait. This day is simple, and yet this profound anticipation fills every moment silently. We've done nothing, but I'll always be able to recall for this little guy every detail of what the day he came to be was like. Come quick little one. You wouldn't believe how many people love you already. We can feel you in the quiet breeze.
And we wait.

When doves fly

BUTT SCENTS- IT MAKES SENCE

"He thought I bought a new air freshener.  But really, it was the beans.  (Wink)  Thanks butt scents"

So it comes late.  But it comes, and stoned none the less (sorry ma).  So...what?  Do I tell you about my day? 

 I woke up with a cheese hangover.  See, I'm trying to slim down, but as long as cheese exists, I'm screwed.  So last night, Jess and I come home and I devour nearly a brick of marble.  In a drunken fuzz, I gravitate to cheese.  Just the other night I apparently came home, melted a pile of cheese and dipped cold slices of cheese into it.  Who does that?  If there's one man who knows how deep my love affair with cheese runs, it's acclaimed chef at Elixir Bistro, Mr.  Firooz Jafari.  Ask him.

Ya, so there was that.  Then Jess and I watched the old swedish dubbed version of pippy longstocking.  Then I met my lovely aunt and cousin and purchased the most beautiful shoes on the earth.

Then sneaky dees, then home.

Fuck, maybe I should just get a diary.  That shouldn't be floating around the virtual world.  Boring.

Your a sucker for reading this far.  Just go to bed.

Night xxoo

The SHAKY FACE CHRONICLES

Butt Scents

My roommates and I have this brilliant idea.  But let me preface that with this.  Saturday's Globe had a story about vaginas and all the ways a woman can spruce theirs up.  Some term like "vag-jazz" was used.  Rhinestones, dyes- all sorts of weird shit.  There's even a product some pervy European created; essentially a pheramone cologne for men.  It's crotch scent really, and it was described so pleasantly by the reporter as something like the smell of a back parisian ally on a muggy day.  Nice.  But perhaps most mention worthy was the vag mint.  Ya, a vag mint.

And this is where the clever Scott, Jess and Mag come in.  Some time ago we created the butt mint.

BUTT SCENTS- IT MAKES SENSE

And doesn't it just?  What I'm getting at here is that surely we should put the butt mint before the vag mint.  'Cause ain't no body bottling up ass scent to spread all over the body. So we better get on it.

We've been working on some dialogue for commercials.  And keep in mind were thinking beyond the flavour of mint.  One more reason butt scents should come before vag mints.

 How about this, courtesy of Jess- "Farting has never been this tasteful."

Think about that.

More to come.

Laugh

I thought about picking my favourite "textsfromlastnight" and posting them, but I couldn't pick.  Today's are exceptionally hilarious.  But if I had to pick.... if I really had to it would be- you'll like this Jess- "You get to witness red pubes.  I'm almost jealous.  Thats like my dream."

Prime.

Tribute to Jimmy

This is Lori and I.  We've been best friends since we could wipe our own butts.

AM I GETTING OLD?

So I met some friends last night... well I intended to.  They said they were at the Dakota Tavern, which is half the reason I went.  I like it there.  I was there a year ago and it was the way it should be.  Dark, low key, great music and an eclectic crowd.  Even some creepy old men, which I happen to like.  Fuck a bar that doesn't have any washed up old cowboys.

Anyway, last night the Dakota felt like a joke.  Bunch of kids dressed in plaid shirts buttoned all the way up pretending to like the live music as they dry humped.

There was all sorts of eye fucking and drink spilling.

I didn't get to talk to my friend.  He was trying desperately hard to get laid.  Props to him, but he was looking a bit cross eyed.... the only hard thing that chick might have experienced last night was finding a way home.

Am I getting old?  Since when did the Dakota become a country version of the Madison?  When did it all get so, ah, lame?

Happy Birthday Jess

It was this dum dums birthday the other day.  So wish her one.

Yup, my room is across from hers.

Looking at her now.

Lucky

Lucky

Me

One Good Day

Today keeps getting better.  I started off by reading an epic craigslist posting- you should read it.

Following that good chuckle, I found out I'm getting a whack of cash back from my tax return.  I can eat!

And then my marshmallow salad loving sister told me she's having her baby in a week.  Felix- we meet in one week.  I can't believe it.  A whole new human for me to love.  Rad.

Now, I'm thinking about going to Value Villllage, use some gift certificates.  Thats always an adventure.  But I think before I do that I'll take a nap on the porch.

OK more.  OK GO tonight.

Yup...keeps gettin better.

To be me, right?

Today today

My roommate Scott and I squirted a super soaker over our balcony for an hour, ate cookies and watched tv from the kitchen counter.  Oh, and we tapped Jess' closet door shut.  It's shaping up to be a good day.

That zit is gone.

Bye!

Thats right

A good friend sent this my way. She knows me well it appears.

Pizza

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3HuqOiiHnU&playnext_from=TL&videos=02dTeQkvqCg&feature=sub

ZIT

I have a zit below my mouth, a bit to the right.  Every time a make a facial gesture, I'm reminded of it.

However much this sucks, this pustulating irritant is not as bad as a zit inside the nostril, one on the back that you cant reach or one behind the earlobe.

I'm going to hold off on popping it until tonight.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Bye!